May 13, 2010

An Unconventional Happy Birthday to ROB

All I ask is that you bear with me here.




You know, I am a fan of the pretty. I appreciate his pics and his movies and his interviews. I giggle at the interviews, I drool over the pics and some of the pics I look at and say WTF. But, in general, I am excited to watch this young man develop as an actor and to see his body... of work. MOVIES! You pervs.




As a fan, all I want is for him to be pretty in pictures, witty in interviews and be in movies I want to see. And if he is in a movie I am not interested in, I will not see it (shocking I know).


I do not want to meet him, or get his autograph, or wait in line to spend 4 seconds in his presence. I am lazy. What can I say? There is, however, something about Rob fans that bothers me.






*HEAVY SIGH*
I guess when I am the voice of reason there is something amiss in the world.


Loud *thunk* in the background at SUE's house. HUBS just fainted. SUE ignores his dramatics and continues to talk!
NOW, of course, this was all sparkled by my minor Robsession.


However, THIS applies to ALL men celebrities, politicians, and the man down the block.


Here is my stance on this:


Whatever he does in his bedroom, or anyone else's bedroom, does not matter. So long as he is not screwing prepubescant girls (or boys), I do not give a fuck.


There are sooo many reasons:
  1. He is not mine. I have no claim over him, nor do I have any control over his actions, nor do I WANT TO.
  2. HE IS AN ACTOR... his behavior on screen, or off, holds NO RELEVANCE in the grand scheme of the world. HIS behavior is NOT going to change my life in one way or the other.
  3. I happen to enjoy looking at pictures of him AND watching movies with him in them. Interestingly enough, HE is not the only actor out there that I look at. Colin Firth, I am thinking about you... no need to be scared, I am not nuts... well, not that nuts.




Hubs:*coughs* 


SUE:  Pardon me. I have to rock him back to sleep, with real rocks, while I put up more pictures of Colin in my bitching-happy-bday-post-to-Rob-that-Rob-will-never-read-but-that-OK post.


4. I find the whole mess fascinating to watch. I sit back and giggle at the     passion behind the comments from ALL sides.






NOW I have been on the internet for MANY years... I KNOW shocking.


There used to be this chain e-mail that was forwarded around and around. I am hoping to be able to find the message, but generally it went SOMETHING like this:


Who would choose to run your government?


A) A vegetarian, faithful to his wife. A religious man who does not smoke, does not do drugs and does not drink.


B) An alcoholic who is known for having a violent temper and has at least one proven mistress.


c) An opium addict, unmarried, who frequents brothels.






OK
A was Adolf Hitler


B was Roosevelt


C was Churchill


Sadly, I could not find any pretty pics of Hitler, Roosevelt or Churchill... (like I said this is in an UNCONVENTIONAL POST).
(If you do not know who ANY of those men are, then I suggest you get your butt off my blog and go open a history book!)


NOW of course this stuff is only PARTIALLY true, but that is not my point.


BASED solely on their personal lives Hitler looks like a saint by comparison.


MY POINT, and yes I have one, and I am NOT going to get into politics because after all I am an American and was taught the American revisionist version of history...


MY POINT, I get there eventually, IS THIS:


What Rob does, OR what ANY celebrity does, in their private lives DOES NOT affect us in our own lives, UNLESS we CHOOSE to allow it to.




Rob cannot change the national climate, cure hunger, save children from abuse, nor can he make gas prices lower OR get my laundry done!!


Well maybe he could. That would be something to watch...
Sorry. Got off track at the idea of a good looking man washing the clothes.




Hubs: "EXCUSE ME?? At least I don't look like I have palsy when I run...
SUE: Sorry, dear, you are right. You do the occasional load of laundry.


MY other point is that Poor Rob just can't fuckin win can he?


He is either a virgin pining away for love (and yes I have read that places, it makes me giggle).


OR


He is totally in love/lust with Kristen (fine either way, whatever makes THEM happy).


OR


He is having a gay love affair with Tom Sturridge(SUE goes off to fantasy land, just to watch cause she is a durty perv like that. *SIGH* Here listen to this lovely elevator music whilst I fantasize).


OR


He is a womanizing manhoor! (Again, if they are legal and consenting have at it, boy. You are not married.)


So,  my advice to ALL of fandom is this:


Control what you can. Rob ain't it!! All the bitching and energy wasted on this mess is useless.


And to Rob, my advice is this:


IF indeed you are a womanizing lying manhoor...


Baby? Double bag it. Remember, durty girls are like durty web sites. BOTH carry viruses! 



AND this is my Happy Birthday post to Rob
Different? Yes!
Unconventional? Pshaw, yes!
Would he ever see it or give a damn? NOPE!
Do I care? NOPE!


Have a lovely day!
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1 comment:

siggynic said...

I think that was the best "Twilight" post I've ever read. Totally laughed out loud. (And I also have an obsession with The Firth...sigh...beautiful man!)

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