April 9, 2010

The Crap Your Daughter Can Actually Read - Inaugural Edition

The Crap Your Daughter Can Actually Read - Inaugural Edition

Hey everyone! This is Gia, and I’m bringing you the first installment of ‘The Crap Your Daughter Can Actually Read’.

What is ‘The Crap’, you ask? Well, it’s the kind of stuff that is safe (i.e. – no sexin’, etc) for your babygirl, but good enough to keep you intrigued. The Twilight saga would be an exemplary illustration of this point (*wink*). It gives you something in common, so when you’re screaming at her about the punk ass kid she brought home last Thursday, you can remember, deep down, that you two *do* have something in common.

Because if nothing else, I’m all about bringing the family together.

This particular segment is way far off the SYTYCW scale of normal (does normal exist around here, Chief?), but we figured it was time to stop expanding our waistlines with the chocolate our lust triggers us to consume and start expanding our literary horizons. Yes, my loves, there IS life beyond fanfiction, and I’m determined to find it and bring it to you here!

Ratings will follow the reviews… any suggestions for this segment, please feel free to drop me a line and let me know! As most of you know, I’m easily influenced… and you know who you are, you dirty pervs.

So, without further ado, I bring you this week’s recommendation…

The Mortal Instruments (3 book series) by Cassandra Clare

click on an image to read an excerpt.
Now, I am absolute suck when it comes to describing a story without blowing the whole storyline, so I’m gonna give you a blurb from the New York Times’ review of this series.

“Like "Twilight," vampires and werewolves populate Clare's fantasy world, but the trilogy - which wraps up with the March 24 release of "City of Glass" - is chiefly concerned with more heavenly matters: the nephilim, humans with angel blood in their veins.

The series follows 15-year-old Brooklyn girl Clary Fray's whirlwind introduction to the world of Shadowhunters, nephilim warriors who protect oblivious humans from dangers presented by vamps, werewolves and other kinds of baddies.

If you thought that human Bella and vampire Edward's relationship was fraught with issues, imagine how much more traumatic it is for Clary to find out that the guy she's in love with might just be her long-lost big brother.”

Are you intrigued yet? You should be. The three books in this series – ‘City of Bones’, ‘City of Ashes’, and ‘City of Glass’ – are so engrossing, the two of you will get jack shit done for the week it takes you to devour these (I’m speaking from experience, here). Once again, we have our supernatural beings and our fantastically fucked-up love triangle. However, instead of our helpless, girl-next-door-we-sometimes-love-to-hate Bella, we have I-have-no-idea-what-the-fuck-I’m-doing-but-I’ll-still-kick-your-ass Clary. She’s got a history that she has no clue about, hot, angsty guys on her ass and the potential to save the Shadowhunters’ way of life, and maybe even the world.

Needless to say, I will be acquiring hardback copies of each book to add to my shelf. It will be parked right next to Twilight. That’s right. It’s *that* good.

The series is going to be continued, although the wait is going to be killer. The fourth book, ‘City of Fallen Angels’, is set to be published in March 2011. If you can’t wait that long (and the good Lord knows I’m gonna have an issue with that), you can keep your eyes peeled for The Infernal Devices, which will be a companion series to The Mortal Instruments. The first book in this three piece series is ‘The Clockwork Angel’, due for publishing September 7th, 2010. Way too long to wait, if you ask me, but I think it’ll be worth it.

Next week I’ll bring you more Crap, and maybe, if you’re good, commenting little hoors, I’ll bring you a bit of ‘Top Shelf Shit’ as well. We shall see.

*steeples fingers, grins evilly*


Age Rating (according to publisher): 8th grade and up (my personal rec for this would be ages 15+)

Lemonade Rating: mint and ginger. Cool, with just a bit of spice.

Why I like it: You kind of get that ‘JUST GET ON WITH IT ALREADY’ vibe, but it’s still tame enough that if your grandma or your great-aunt Dory picks it up, you’re not going to be embarrassed.

Music that (sorta-kinda) fits: “Anybody There” by The Script. Hey, it works for me.

How I found it: Browsing the book aisles at Walmart – those bank account ninjas are sucking me dry with the excellent crap they’ve had lately…

Formats available: Hardcover, Paperback, Kindle

Where to buy: Target, Walmart, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Borders, Books A Million


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