April 5, 2010

Teas with "Rob": Volume 1


Hosted by our very own Lady Tater

Alright my dear friends today we must put on our company manners. We have a special treat for you. I was chatting with our Lady Tater and I discovered that she has a rather delicious secret..Lady Tater shares a weekly tea with Rob and during these little chat sessions she has found out some very juicy tidbits about him.

When I heard this I bullied her into letting us listen in. Both of the chatty darlings graciously said "HELLS YES" Really can you blame them?
Now comes the bit where I ask you to read at your own risk none of these sentiments expressed blah blah blah blah..

now lets join Lady Tater and Rob

LT: So, we're sitting down this morning with Rob Pattinson, or a reasonable facsimilie thereof, asking the questions YOU want answered and finding out what Rob would like you, his fans, to know about him. Rob?

Rob: * chokes on tea * What the bloody hell is in this tea?

LT: Jack Daniels. I've been Americanized.

Rob: Oh. Right then. Carry on...

LT: So, first of all...

Rob: Wait a moment. Why are you called Lady Tater? Where is Tater?

LT: It's not a where so much as a what.

Rob: Right then, WHAT is a tater?

LT: As in tot. Potato.

Rob: *scrunches brow* Why?

LT: I'm supposed to be asking you questions, wee one. Here, have a rum-soaked scone. Loosen yourself up...

You can see how their conversations go Lady Tater gives our Rob some treats and he provides her with the answers to our most pressing questions. Here is some of the information she found out just for us ..

Q: A lot of people are wondering why your Tweet from Peter's account was so short?

A: I spoke to our darling young man after 'the Tweet heard round the World". Allegedly, his original Tweet was censored by his 'dad' although he blushed profusely when I queried as to the original content of the sacred Tweet. After a promise of Stoli and cranberry and a look at the girls, he confided that the original message stated "Hi, this is Rob. I like to motorboat fabulous tits That is all..."

Such a giving boy....

Q: Rob long time fan and perv of your lisciousness I wanna know WHY have your interviews with the media all of sudden changed? why are you now so calm cool and collected coherent and well spoken I miss the verbal shits I miss the slip of the tongue (oh gawd I love it when Rob slips his tongue!)

So who the fuck put the gag order on you?

A: Rob was actually quite surprised that you so enjoyed his verbal diarhea! Apparently, not long after Twilight was released, he was taken outside of an interview room after uttering the descriptive term"fucking cunt-licker". His agent and a representative of Summit pulled his pants down, bent him over a dumpster and spanked him with a copy of Breaking Dawn until he could chant "I will never go off script again. I will never go off script again" without falling into the refuse. They were apparently a little disheartened to find out he actually enjoyed said spanking and had to resort to having a large, hairy security guard take over said punishment until his hard on diminished and someone lost an eye. Ever since, he's been so scarred by the incident, he will never go off the intended script again without "social lubrication" as he explained it.

And there you have it my gentile readers our first visit to Lady Taters tea room...

If you have any questions you would like Lady Tater to ask Rob feel free to send them to me and I will hand them over to her shipness and she will get us an answer!

Ta for now!!


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