August 28, 2012


Alright, lately I have been reading a lot of romance books and as everyone knows when you read a great deal of something you will start to see patterns. Eventually these patterns become cliches of a genre,
and if you read enough in that genre you start to do this A LOT:


 I give you my list, inspired by the fabulous book heroine, Ruby, in FANGIRL! (if you did not read it, Ruby does lists for her blog. It is cool and I am stealing it and turning it into a poll :D)

Number 1:

Tongues battling for Dominance / Lips crashed

Whenever I read these I think of those pictures and now you see why it is NOT sexy it is NOT expressing what you think, so authors we beg of you: stop it. NOW.

Number 2:

Clumsy girl in hooker heels

All I see is some dumb broad who cannot walk and chew gum at the same time. Now, I am truly a clumsy girl--just saying, I cannot walk in heels.  I know this: I will fall and I will take out innocent bystanders.
So you know what? I don't wear heels. It is that simple. I go for the whole self preservation thing: I wear flats, I wear a nice low heel or a low wedge, OR my trusty tennis shoes or hiking boots. But some of these women in romance books are falling all over the place! I want to call the CDC to help out with the serious epidemic of inner ear problems!

Stop it. Falling all over a man is NOT sexy; it is NOT cute.

It is playground antics that only happens in books. Any broad that does this in real life would get laughed at by others:

Number 3:

Wealthy brooding guy falling for naive virgin /manwhore man with virgin chick

Oh boy, are there a a lot of these out there! I lump into this category the rich, brooding, sexy man falling for the shy wallflower who does not think she is pretty but it really very stunning and has model looks but does not realize it  *takes a breath*

WHEW. you say that really fast a few times!

Now,  I know romance books are an escape from reality--I get that--but after you read a few dozen of this cliche you get a tad sick of it. Tell me right now what woman does not know she is beautiful that has model looks? Why can't he be the lower class one and she be the rich, powerful one? Switch things up? How about they be on the same level; a romance of equals, no matter what their socioeconomic status may be?

Number 4:

Forgetting to breathe

In this falls the breath I forgot I was holding, etc. etc. etc.


Authors, Im gonna give you a biology lesson:
Breathing is an autonomic response. Your brain stem has to be injured for you to forget to breathe.

You do not forget to breathe--it just does not happen.

Of course, if it does happen, I can see why the woman is falling all over the place: the poor thing is light headed from lack of oxygen and dizzy from the hooker heels. This, to me, says that your character is not smart enough to be let out without supervision.

Stop it. There has to be a better way to say, "He took my breath away."

Number 5:


He removed her bra expertly.
She expertly took his tumescent manhood in her mouth and sucked him off till he reached his ecstasy  (I made that one up, btw. I told you I can't write).
He expertly started the car.
She expertly walked across the floor in heels and did not fall down once.
He expertly remember to breathe when he saw her.

Are you now seeing the problem?

First off, from what I have been told, adverbs are lazy writing and they should be used sparingly, if at all. (see what I did there? I used an -LY word. I'm such a shit.)
As a reader, I am gonna tell you what I see when I see the word expertly:

Now do you understand why this is not the image you want to portray?

There you have it: your five items to vote on. Which of these annoys you the most? Poll ends next week.
Leave me comments and I will do more polls because they are fun and I know authors read this stuff.


Romance Cliches readers hate:


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